


Sam and Lexa

by WarlordMan162



Category: Rick and Morty, The Lorien Legacies - All Media Types, The Lorien Legacies - Pittacus Lore
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack Crossover, Other, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 14:28:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11277171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarlordMan162/pseuds/WarlordMan162
Summary: After having been missing for nearly 15 years, Lexa suddenly arrives at Malcolm Goode's doorstep to move in with him and his family.Albeit Malcolm welcomes Lexa into his home, his wife, Beth, isn't happy about the reunion. She is concerned about Lexa, an emotionally scarred hacker, using the house as her personal bunker. In the Goode household, Lexa hacks various groups and factions, some which may be considered dangerous. But that's not all Lexa does that concerns Beth.She also goes on adventures to other planets that often involve her children: biological son Samuel Goode, and adopted son Adamus Sutekh.





	Sam and Lexa

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT a pure crossover. Rick and Morty do NOT appear in this story. Their counterparts, Lexa and Sam respectively, do in fact exist, created by author James Frey, aka Pittacus Lore. Most of the dialogue you read will be rewritten quotes from episodes created by Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon.
> 
> I DO NOT own either of these series. This series is for the enjoyment of both Lorien Legacies fans and Rick and Morty fans. IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, DO NOT READ THIS STORY!
> 
> Fans of my story TQO1, which will be released gradually over this summer, may find humor in this story before they dive into the super dark and sad world of TQO1. ENJOY!

The door starts shaking from the knuckles rapping against the hardwood. Clumsy footsteps fall hard on the brown carpet floor of Sam Goode’s bedroom as the Loric stumbles inside. She towers over the small human, and even as he wakes, she watches him, her lithe body wrapped in an ancient launch suit she wore on the last day of her life. Of her stupid, perfect, _perfect_ life.

“Sam, wake up,” Lexa whispers in his ear, dark lips brushing against the lobe. “Get up—I’ve got a surprise for you, Sam.”

Roused awake, Sam leans up from his dark comforter, tossing the Saturn-covered sheets away from his thin body, the NASA logo on his black T-shirt cutting through the darkness like the magic in a Mogadorian blade. He rubs his beady hazel eyes and stares blankly at the tall woman before him. Before Sam can even form a complete sentence, a slender hand has grasped his ankle and he is dragged out of his bed by Lexa. He kicks and struggles, tries to get away, even begs for her to let him go, but she is a Loric, and is more physically capable than any human on Earth.

Also, in her near-stupor, reasoning with Lexa is futile.

Less than half an hour later, they are in the cockpit of a massive, sleek, silver Loric spaceship, soaring silently above Paradise. All that Sam hears is the wind whipping past the ship, the hum of the crystal-powered engine, and Lexa’s delayed breathing. Caused from her drunkenness or incompatibility with Earth’s low oxygen, Sam doesn’t know.

“What do you think of this spaceship, Samuel?” she asks, taking a swig from her third—is it her fourth?—ampule. “I charged the power with the town’s hydroelectric dam—dammit.”

“That’s great, Lexa,” he says, looking at dozens of buttons, switches, and symbols that Sam could never begin to understand. He peers out the elliptical window, looking at the dark sky and the orange glow of the town he has lived fourteen years of his life. “So, uh, was this the surprise? It’s kinda nice, but I don’t know why you dragged me out in the middle of the—”

“No, Sam. I’m sorry,” the Loric whimpers, clenching tightly on the acceleration lever. “I had to… I had to do it… I’m so sorry. I had to bomb—I had to create a bomb.”

“What?! A _bomb_?!”

“I’m gonna hyperh—I’m… uh, I’m gonna overheat something the concealed weapon and drop it…” then Lexa starts muttering in her native language, her voice getting high-pitched near the end of her brief sentences to the point where Lexa’s rant sounds more like deranged laughter. “Don’t worry, Samuel. It’s gonna be… it’ll be paradise.”

“That’s crazy!” Sam protests, however unable to do anything as they zip on into the night. “You can’t—”

“Right now we’re gonna go and pick up your friend Emily.”

“Emily Knapp?”

“When destroy the Earth’s surface, I’m gonna make it like Moga—Lorien—I mean, I’m gonna make it like a new Adam and One… EVE! Not…I meant, you’re gonna be Adam, and Emily’s gonna be Eve.”

Sam freezes in his seat, breath catching in his throat as his heart thumps powerfully against his ribs. Lexa leans out of the seat and they start to descend as she whispers quietly in his ear again, “That’s the surprise, Zophie.”

“Who’s—? Emily doesn’t even know I exist!” shouts Sam. “But that’s not even the point. You can’t blow up the Earth!”

“You don’t have to worry about that, Sam,” she says. “I’m not gonna try to get with Emily, or you know… I’m not gonna fool around with Emily, or try to get in Emily’s—”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not that kinda girl, Sam. You don’t need to worry about me getting with Emily. She’s—isn’t she straight?—anyway she’s all for you.”

“I don’t care about Emily!”

Lexa grins maliciously. “Okay, well let’s forget her altogether.”

A bright blue symbol materializes out of thin air. It looks like an exploding sun. Beneath his feet, Sam can feel the concealed weaponry unravel, a tendril of death spreading from the massive ship. He’s seen the footage from the Dulce wreckage. He _knows_ what one of those energy blasts can do to a Mogadorian warship on the lowest setting. Sam doesn’t want to imagine what’ll happen if it’s set on maximum.

“That’s it, Lex,” Sam growls. “I’m taking the wheel!”

Sam lunges at Lexa with sudden adrenaline, aware that despite her constant bluffs, this goes too far. He grabs at the futuristic controls, hoping he doesn’t further in her plan by knocking something that will detonate their weapon.

“Get off me, Sam!” she shouts, easily shoving him back into his seat as she adjust the flight. “If you love Earth so much—”

He comes back and starts hitting her hands off the datapads, batting them away from the launch symbol. “I’m taking command of this ship! I’m not gonna let you destroy the whole world!”

“Alright, alright, I’ll land the—I’ll land the thing, Sam,” Lexa shoves Sam back into the copilot seat. “Do that shit again, and—big, tough guy all of a sudden…”

The ship slows to a stop in a desert—her people’s desert—next to an ancient city underneath a field of stars and galaxies and the universe. Many years ago, the same ship docked at this port, carrying a precious cargo, a freezing mist rolling off the ramp that had been soaring through space for nearly twelve months.

Tonight, the cargo that pours out of the ramp is a fifteen year-old human, an emotionally-scarred Loric, and the myriad ampule vials that clutter the floor of the ship and spill into the sand and dirt. Lexa is the first to deplane and she lies down in the earth, beads of sweat rolling down her smooth dark skin. Sam is quick to follow, taking a less graceful fall into the dirt.

“Oh, thank God!” exclaims Sam.

“You know that was all a test, right?” Lexa turns to him, brown eyes half-closed. “I was just trying to make you more assertive.”

“It was?”

“I don’t know…” she mutters and pulls what Sam thinks is another ampule from her pocket. “You’re my thi… wa…”

She drifts asleep, and _clicks_ the button atop the cylindrical device.

_A detonator?_

The silver beast looms behind them and a low buzz comes from the belly. Sam feels a fuzzy warmth dance along his skin, growing warmer and warmer, the lights on the ship glowing a brighter blue by the second.

“Um…” he asks, but turns to see Lexa sound asleep.

 _She_ won’t see, feel, hear the blast.

But _he_ will.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this first part of "Sam and Lexa"! Like I said, this is only for my fans to get a laugh in before I start releasing chapters of TQO1. Not to say it won't be fun or even occasionally funny, but this is probably going to have people happier. Once again, IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, DO NOT READ THIS STORY!


End file.
